Gary Leonard Oldman

( i'm not very happy with this one, it needs much more feeling and i'll probably rewrite this soon )

Helene knocked on the hotel room door with knuckles barely grazing the wood as she did, anxiety building over being here because it meant that she was finally ready. It took all of a few seconds for him to answer the door, but as soon as he did, a knowing smile formed on his lips and she offered one in return. Her own was seemingly forced, because in her eyes rested a look of genuine fear of what was going to happen. He had asked her to show up here at any point this week, if she felt she was ready, while he was still in town before the tour, and here she was. Joey couldn't contain the joy he felt deep inside, but he made an effort not to let that show, as he took her shaking hand and brought her into the room, closing the door with a soft thud behind her. This could only go wonderfully, because he knew how to handle the situation presented to him.

' ——I'm afraid, ' she confessed, allowing him to pull the zipper of her dress down until she could shuffle out of it.

' There's nothing to be afraid of. I'll take care of you, ' he promised, pulling her free of her underwear before spinning her around to face him. His gaze remained on her face for a moment, before he allowed himself to look, and he smiled.

' Please be gentle, ' again, she was brutally honest as far as her current state of mind went and he admired it.

' You're beautiful . . and I wouldn't dream of hurting you. I know this is difficult, but you're very brave, ' he added, smiling once more as he leaned in to kiss some of her troubles away, as he relieved himself of his clothing and lay her back.

Contact was kept as his hands roamed the outline of her body, soft and gentle in his approach to what would be a new feeling for her; skin on skin, whilst his mouth moved down over her neck and collarbone. Helene offered the odd mewl in response to where his lips met her flesh and each area was scorched soon after, her hands shaking still but trailing up slowly from off of the mattress. Fingers danced gingerely over his back until they knotted in his hair, eyes fluttering every once in a while due to sensations she hadn't felt before. Some minutes passed before his kisses moved back up to her mouth and for a moment or two, he pulled away to look down at her, eyes smiling along with the expression he wore. The woman was quivering beneath him and a tint of pink coated her cheeks, but she managed to give one back, gazing up at him. Joey brushed one hand through her hair as it lay splayed out on his pillow and as before, leaned in for another kiss, welcoming the invitation presented to him when her lips puckered in anticipation of another following the others before it.

' Joey . . ' she rasped, whilst open mouthed kisses descended from her throat, between her breasts and lower, all over her stomach which was now tensing every so often, wherever his lips passed by.

Helene's mewls grew a little louder as he continued on down still, parting her legs with his hands over her knees and pushing just enough that she got the idea and let him sink down between them. Hands came up and almost tore holes into the pillow beneath her head as she felt the heat of his breath falling down over her sensitive core. He was smiling to himself, but she was looking down to watch him as he did this, though he had mentioned it would be okay to do that. She thought it would only make her nerves worse, so she kept her eyes trained on the ceiling, save for the odd rolling now and then.

' You're just as innocent down here as you are up there, ' he chuckled softly, comparing her personality to the purity of how she had never slept with anyone before now. ' That's also beautiful—— ' he affirmed, tongue flattening over her opening.

The woman arched her back off of the bed in response to the unfamiliar feeling as a gasp was trapped in her throat, coming out in small waves of moans when he broke that barrier and his tongue dove into her, slowly, painfully slowly. His hands had latched onto her upper thighs in a bid to keep her still as he did this, hair tickling her all over with the length of his curls and how he had neglected to tie it back first. She didn't mind this, though. His hair was one of many things that she fully appreciated about his appearance. Helene somehow managed to unfasten her fingers from the pillowcase and send them down to grip the mane that was covering her lower half, whilst his tongue danced about inside of her, drawing several sounds from the pit of her stomach that she had never heard from herself before.

' Oh god . . ' she cried out, eyes squeezing tightly shut as her legs began to shudder in his grasp, but he pulled his mouth away immediately when he heard and felt her response, grinning slyly whilst moving over her like a tiger to kiss her as a loud yelp of annoyance left her and she gripped his curls so tightly, he also cried out.

' Shh, baby . . patience. I want to be inside you when you cum, ' he purred into her ear, releasing her fingers from his hair so she understood she wasn't being as gentle as he might have liked, and she let go, gasping for breath.

The woman had tears in her eyes from the frustration of it all, but one quick glance down between their bodies and the size of him almost made her choke on air. She didn't say anything, but her eyes widened considerably and he chuckled, before laying himself down over her again and situating the tip at her entrance, rubbing the head of his shaft up and down between her folds until as before, she was so unaware of herself and her own noises, he realised it was a good time to inch in further. Slowly, building it up a little at a time and pausing with every cry of discomfort that left her, he was finally halfway in and a very sore but eager brunette reached up to tangle her hands in his hair a second time, pulling lightly.

Joey grunted as he inched forward again, slowly, gradually pushing all the way inside as her mouth opened a little wider as he buried himself an inch deeper each time, until there was no more room to push. With a quick glance down, he grinned, all smiles and lifting his head back up to kiss the air from her lungs, only pulling away when he also needed to breathe. Shared thumping of hearts, heated breath and quivering frames, he began to move his hips in small circles. It helped to ease the tightness that she was muttering about and every time a look of pain crossed over her face, he simply dropped his head to her shoulder and whispered sweet nothings into her ear, calming both her nerves and turning the pain into something mild.

' Du är så skön . . ' he rasped, buried to the hilt now and moving back and forth in such a manner that left her legs quaking all over again and before long, her nails dragged over the top of his back and  her vocal chords were near torn from the yell of his name that seemed almost prolonged for how long it lasted, as her legs shook unctrollably for a solid six minutes.

Eyes fixed on his face as his vocals filtered around the small club. His own were closed in a gentle manner as he hit the right note and a lump formed in her throat when he finally opened them. He sat in the middle of the small stage atop a bar stool, whilst she stood near the bar only a few feet away, arms folded as she listened. There were only a few people there that night, but all were silent as he performed, none really recognising him as he was without the band. Helene wanted to smile at the confidence he had in actually getting himself up there after so many years and having already offered the crowd one of his latest singles on an album of his own, he now turned to something vaguely familiar for them.

With each word that rolled softly from his tongue, he had a look about him that suggested every line cut deeper than the last and it meant more to him than it just being a hit to perform for those seated about the place. Lights were dimmed down save for the soft glow of gold, focusing on him where he sat, guitar resting on his leg as he strummed in time with the backing track for the song and after some moments more, splayed his fingers down over the strings to end it. Joey smiled, but it did not seem to reach his eyes as it usually would, though there was genuine appreciation there as the odd clap sounded out, but she was the first to start it off. The woman dropped her arms down to her sides then, marking a path across the small space as he took himself off the side of the stage, set his acoustic down and immediately took off toward the restroom.

Huffing slightly as she didn't quite catch him in time, the brunette propped her foot up against the wall as she leaned back, arms once again folding over her stomach and head dropping back against the wall. She was going to wait for him to come out, now fully aware that he wasn't in the best state of mind. If he had been, he would have pulled her into an embrace and given her a few pecks before rushing off into the toilets for a much needed bathroom break. Tears did begin to pool in her eyes as she waited for over twenty minutes for him to come out, but when he finally did, she pushed herself off the wall and into his arms, noting right off the bat that he did not wind them around her to return the embrace. The tears that had dispersed a minute or two ago came right back, and she pulled away to look up at him, catching that look in his eyes. She was familiar with it, but he never seemed to want to delve deep into discussions about why he had sudden shifts in mood and it worried her so much, she sometimes took to contacting Ian or John to find out what might be wrong.

'  Do you not love me anymore?  ' she asked, voice faltering with the weight of that question, breath held in fear.

This utterance moved him forward and his arms, as they should have done before, wound tightly around her smaller frame and tugged, pulling her close into his chest as he breathed in, inhaling the scent of flowers that lingered in her hair. He didn't have the heart to open up and tell her the real reason he was feeling so out of sorts, but he did need her to understand in some way that it was not her at all. He never could have found a problem with her, because she was everything he needed and everything that he wanted. It was only in himself that he struggled and battled every now and again, and it was painful to try and work through that alone, because he couldn't even face his nearest and dearest friends of so many years.

'  Älskling . . it has nothing to do with you,  ' he stated, looking down at her eyes so filled with sadness, that his heart broke in two right then and there for knowing he had inflicted such grief. '  I've been feeling .. I can't help but feel as though I am too old for you, that you have your whole life ahead of you and yet, here you are, wasting it with someone like me.  '

His words did sting, but more so because she believed he was being far too cruel to himself and needn't be having such feelings in the first place. Brown eyes lifted to meet his far off gaze and her hands did the same, palms flat against the sides of his face as she brought his focus back to her so she could speak. Her lower lip began to tremble gently with how many of these emotions he must have been keeping to himself all this time, and she too fell apart a little bit. There was nothing that could ever amount to how much she adored him and she was always hopeful he knew that. Helene couldn't grasp his own dislike of himself, because when they had first met, he had been so full of the joys of a new relationship and their age gap mattered very little to him. It seemed that, after a couple of years, he was slowly falling to pieces over it.

'  Joey——there's no one I want more than you. There's never been anyone in my life I have ever wanted more, and since the day we met, it's always been you. You're not old. I want you to stop thinking that, because the more you think it, the more you will allow yourself to believe it and I won't take that. I wish you could love yourself more, as I love you,  ' she told him, hands falling down to his neck as fingers locked at the back of it and she stood on her toes to reach his mouth.

The musician met her halfway without any need for nudging or further conversation, because it was in her assurance that he found out everything he needed to know. He had been finding it incredibly difficult to keep his head above the water with all those thoughts weighing him down, and having no real direction to go because he was so blocked, that he had lost a part of himself; the part that used to beat away the negativity with a baseball bat. Sometimes, it was hard to turn away from the impression that the couple gave off, whereby some folk believed he was her father and that wounded him, because he felt uncomfortable trying to explain that he wasn't and that they were in fact together. Helene often stepped in to take care of this for him, though, and he was ever-thankful for her constant support and often guidance during these episodes.

'  Look at me,  ' she asked, settling flat on her feet again as he fixed his eyes on her own and saw the curve of her lips. ' You are beautiful and I am yours, for as long as you want me to be. You know? I'm not going anywhere, even if it causes a war in someone else's closed minded mentality. I breathe for you——I'll always want to be with you.  '

'  I don't deserve you,  ' he confessed, stepping forward until she stepped back enough to hit the wall behind her, and he trailed one hand down her side to lift her top as he lowered himself to his knees. '  I don't know what you see in an old guy like me,  ' he chuckled, earning a swift but gentle smack to the top of his head as he said it, before kissing her stomach. '  Do you still want to have my child in there one day?  '

Helene almost beamed down at him as he was rising back up, kissing his way from her stomach, to her neck and pecking her on the nose as he awaited her answer. The woman hoisted herself off of the ground and up into his arms, giving him just enough time to catch her as he smiled right back, understanding her enthusiasm. They had spoken about this several times in the past and now that his conscience was clear of feeling like he had done wrong in being with her, there was infinitely a lot more potential for future planning of children.

'  Of course I do. Nothing would make me happier,  ' she promised, covering his face in the lightest of kisses.

'  Baby . . baby . . Helene!  ' he rasped, pinning her down as gently as he could without causing harm to either of them due to her thrashing about on the bed before her eyes popped wide open in fear.

Tears immediately pooled in her eyes and her body shook with the fright that was still latching onto her, though she realised now it was just a dream; a horrible nightmare that flashed images through her mind now she was in the land of the living. A low cry left her as she sobbed against him, Joey having lay back on the mattress and pulled her close against him, arms wound tightly around her quivering frame as she cried onto his chest.

'  I thought I lost you——  ' she stuttered, words a jumble as she fought to catch her breath and calm down a bit, fingers curling themselves into his hair as some form of comfort she had adopted over time.

'  No more shark movies before bed, okay?  ' he said this in a joking manner but her red-rimmed eyes flicked up to look into his own and when he noted her lower lip trembling, he heaved a sigh. '  Alright, I'm sorry. But I'm not going anywhere.  '

Helene knew this was true, but she was also fully aware that he loved the water and even if the nightmare had been a direct result of her latest horror viewing, she was adamant that he wouldn't be going into any kind of deep waters anytime soon. As defiant as she was, he couldn't fault her for it because he could always see that genuine look of terror on her face if he was somehow involved in whatever her brain had decided to torment her with.

'  Can you, maybe, find a new hobby besides going for a swim whenever you guys are home?  ' she asked, aware that when he was touring, there was no time at all for that kind of thing, but when he was home, it was a favourite past time.

Joey looked down at her then before he rolled, hovering over her frame and noticing that her fingers stayed tucked in his wavy curls that hung over her face like a curtain. Smiling warmly at the brunette, he lowered, pressing his lips flush against her own and hearing that sound he was hoping she would offer, so he knew that he had a chance at calming her nerves and all the fears that excessive thinking swept her up in. He would listen to her, of course, and wouldn't go into the water until she was comfortable enough with the idea again, but he would miss it. If it meant that she was happy, however, he did it.

'  I'll stay on dry land, don't worry. But please, baby . . no more shark movies,  ' this time, he was serious, as he was but a breath away from her and she craned her neck up to try and catch his lips, but he raised himself a little higher and grinned.

'  Okay, fineee, just kiss me,  ' she pleaded, dropping her hands down from his hair as he swept in, knocking the air out of her lungs with the force and heat of his kiss, in turn disabling control over her limbs when everything fell placid.

'  Good girl. Jag älskar dig——nothing is going to happen to me,  ' he promised her, eyes shining with a glazed over look of a man who was completely smitten with the woman below him, so much so, he maintained those promises and her faith in him grew every single day.

'  I love you, too . . so much,  ' she cooed, tangling her legs with his own as he settled back down beside her, pulling her back into his chest as an arm lay protectively around her so she knew where he was and that he wasn't going anywhere without her knowledge. '  I just worry,  ' she added, releasing a yawn and smiling as he pressed a kiss to her shoulder before retreating, laying his own head on their shared pillow and falling asleep with her in his arms.

(  tiny tiny drabble  )

It was not as complex as finding your first steps as an infant, but the woman managed to ungracefully stumble into his open arms as soon as he aided her in climbing into the shower with him, before winding his arms protectively around her frame. Her emotions had been running riot for the better half of a week and she knew, even with him so close and so certain of her finding her feet again, this one might take a little bit longer to heal. Joel had returned a second time, unfortunately, whilst the musician was in Japan, touring and he had come home to find her beaten once more. She was not sporting a black eye this time around, but there were visible, painful gashes dotted about her skin and in asking what had happened, she feebly informed him that the other male had tossed each of her houseplants at her in a blind rage, but for what this time, she had no clue.

Joey bristled as she broke down in his arms, arms hanging onto her a little tighter to cast away the discomfort and fear she must still be filled with, though knowledge that he would never lay a hand on her in such a manner, always evident in her eyes. The woman's cries were soft and unsteady, as she coiled in frame, resting against him like a small child in their fathers embrace, and he brought one hand up to rake his fingers through her damp hair. Cheek pressed against her own, he lowered his mouth to press a lasting kiss to her shoulder, before rising a little and whispering sweet nothings and promises filled with happiness, into her ear. Through her woeful, trembling moment of weakness and instability, she found it in her to produce a tiny giggle, which hit his heart immediately and he saw there was some hope yet. It might take some time to bring her back around, but she was not lifeless.

' I love you, Helene, ' he announced, the lilt of a foreign tongue lifting her gaze to meet his own, as she smiled fully up at him.

' ——and I love you. Thank you for being here with me, ' she breathed, eyes full of unshed tears, but she did not let them fall with too much a willingness to break a second time. ' I don't know what I would do if you weren't here. '

' I'll always be here for you, ängel. I'm so glad Colleen was here for you while I was away, but I wish you had called me, ' he added, still somewhat in disbelief that she hadn't, but fully understanding of the fact that that's just who she was.

Bowing her head to pull away from the heavy stare he fixed her with moments before, a puff of air was exhaled and she brought her arms up to drape them loosely over his shoulders, raising her eyes in time with said movement and looking back at him. She knew it pained him to come home without a word of warning as to what had happened in his absence, but she also loathed the idea of telling him whilst he was away from home and having such a wonderful time performing for fans. There was so much consideration for him and others, that she often found herself falling apart as a result of her priorities not being in order, where a threat to her life was concerned and that was a thought that plagued the musician several times over throughout their relationship.

' Col is the reason I didn't want to disturb you while you were so busy with the guys, ' she offered him a sad smile, palm falling to his cheek as she stood on her toes to press a fleeting kiss against his lips, silencing any retort briefly as she continued. ' Because I had her here to help me, I wouldn't feel the weight of guilt that would follow if I had called and you'd come racing back home. '

' Älskling—— ' he released a pent up breath, searching her eyes for seconds longer than she would have liked, without saying anything more, before tightening his hold and tilting her chin up with his thumb as he kissed her, not parting to allow her the freedom to breathe, until he was absolutely certain she would understand his meaning.

' Joey . . ' she gasped, having finally found air for her lungs as he parted ways a short distance, but kept her feet half off of the shower floor. Helene was going to fight her stance regarding why she refused to tell him, but he knew why, and there was little point in arguing with him when it came to that, because he would never back down from his beliefs. His only true commitment was her.